Wardrobe Malfunction My Butt

This is Tara Reid. Remember her "wardrobe malfunction" at Cipriani's in New York City for PDiddy's birthday party? I mean, she's just smiling away for the paparazzi cameras with her entire boob hanging out. There was a lot of talk about that bare boob looking like a botched surgery job, so I imagined this franken-boob. Now maybe it's because I usually only wear tshirts and jeans, but I've never in my life had as many problems with "coverage" as celebrities do today! I could see if it happens once in your life, but 4 times in a month? I mean, is it that hard to get out of a car discreetly--or wear underwear, for that matter? The only explanation is that either these stars are completely delusional about their wardrobes, or they're doing it to get attention. Either way, it's hilarious.

I Stick My Neck Out for Nobody

This is Bogart. ...Humphrey Bogart. Evidently, the title of this post was said by his character in "Casablanca," but I've never seen it. I love this ballpoint pen drawing, and eventually I want to paint it. I considered cropping it for this post, but one of the things I love about it is that it's long and thin, and I have a thing for painting thin compositions. I don't remember my reference for this sketch, but I made up my own story for it. It came from a book of photos about Bogart movies. I realize I'm Bogie-illiterate, but again, I blame my love of black & white movie photos. I thought I could experiment by putting something lying at his feet, like the slumped body of Barney the Dinosaur, or a giant clown, or a mime. That would be kind of funny.

Alright, Meow Where Were We?

Meow, what is so damn funny? Do I look like a cat to you? Do I drink milk from a saucer? Do you see me eating mice? Not so funny meow, is it? ...Anyway, it's a toad. And obviously, he's trying out his interspecies language skills. I just made the "Supertroopers" reference because it's one of my favorite parts. ....MEOW!

Pull the Strings!!!

This, of course, is Mr. Dracula. Wait, is it Lugosi? Karloff? I forget. I just wanted to inject a little color back into the posts, albeit somber color. It just reminds me of the old movies my dad loves. He said on occasion he'd pop in a movie that used to scare the bejeezies out of him as a kid, only to discover that current technological advancements in the ways of special effects have really soured some of the fear he used to feel as a kid. Sometimes, you just can't go back. ...In other news, I used a new kind of paint for this one; a brand of goache my mother let me try. It was nice.

Ready For My Closeup, Mr. DeMille...

When we first moved to Texas, I was horribly disheartened by the lack of job opportunities in the area. Answering a newspaper ad for a graphic illustrator which contained only a phone number, I begrudgingly called. The prospective job was nearly an hour away, and payed a pocket-scorching $7 an hour. The owner, however, was very confident in his status, and very distrusting of the talents of the applicants thus far, and asked me to bring a test, of sorts. "I want you to draw me a toaster, a still life, and a sketch of yourself. Bring it to the interview, and we'll see what skills you've got." I did the drawing, although you might notice from my sketch my enthusiasm about the situation. In the end, I didn't even bother showing up. Good thing, as it turns out. I got a better job anyway.

A Man's Gotta Do What a Man's Gotta Do...

Another ballpoint pen and Sharpie drawing, from my 1950's movie book. It's Gary Cooper in High Noon. Evidently, that movie was filmed in 1952, and was 85 minutes long. Eighty-five minutes! And now there are all these movies over three hours! Anyway, I stretched his face a bit. I like it that way. I love the darks and lights, and the wrinkles on his face were so much fun.

Oh, Brother!

This is John Goodman, from "Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou?" which, if you haven't seen it, is an awesome movie, and you must run to get a copy. Don't even bother renting. Just buy it. John Goodman played the Cyclops, who, among other events, squishes a toad (who may or may not have been one of the primary characters) after gestating. Hence the bib with the lobster on it. Anyway, it's done in ballpoint pen. I like the look of black, white, and red, so I often add a bit of red to a sketch to perk it up a bit. ...Dang, he looks happy, doesn't he?

Who You Callin' a Psycho?

Tyson bit off part of an EAR. I don't know much about boxing--I'm into UFC--but I'm pretty sure they don't allow for ear-biting. I could be wrong. So here's my Tyson. It's just amazing to me that a guy capable of biting your ear off could have the voice of a six-year old.

Sourpuss

I can't help it--I am fascinated by celebrity news. It's like watching an ant farm or sea monkeys--I am so confused by how our interpretation of "normal" changes when people become rich and famous. This is Renee Zellweger, who's famous for her sourpuss. She has a little pouty mouth. I love drawing caricatures, but I'm not nearly as good at it as the ones on Gallery of the Absurd. Still fun, though!